Summer's over. Tomorrow I return to my other life, the one where my blood pressure rises and I come home at night spitting out monosyllables while rubbing crackers with a dirty index finger. Yes, tomorrow, it's school. So, if you'll excuse me, I'll take a minute here and practice one of my favorite head games:
Student: "This is a stupid assignment."
Me: "Yes, I suppose you might look at it that way."
Student: "I'm not going to do it."
Me: "Okay."
Student: "Fine."
----long pause----
Student: "What happens if I don't do it?"
Me: "That's up to you."
Student:"You're the one who grades me."
Me: "I didn't say I wouldn't grade you, I just can't tell you what will happen to you if you don't do it."
Student: "What?"
Me: "Beg your pardon?"
Student:"So, if I don't do it, you'll fail me."
Me: "Absolutely."
Student: "But it's a stupid assignment!!!!"
Me: "Okay."
Student: "So why should I have to do it????"
Me: "You don't."
Student: "But you'll fail me."
Me: "Only if you don't do it."
Student: "You suck. Why can't you be fair?"
Me: "I don't know what you want from me. If you don't want to do it, then don't. It's up to you. I have no control over any of this."
Student: "But you're the one giving me this assignment."
Me: "Define give."
Student: "What?"
Me: "Well, if you say so."
Student: "Wait. What????!!"
Me: "How's everyone doing class, any questions???"
I can already see I'll be taking my blood pressure medication before the end of the month.
